12th
imagine.
I decided that a step I needed to take today was do my hair & makeup to make myself feel happy, not depressed.
I found a sick video on youtube on how to tease your hair and I tested it out plus waved it! I <3 it.
Even though Jason & I broke up, dumbo me went to go see him. I tried to see if I could see a positive thing in being in a relationship with him to determine whether I could look past his faults and appreciate the good things in him. I mean, god forbid I am by far not perfect, so who am I to judge anyone.. Right?
Well, when you weigh it out, he’s definitely not someone who I can be in a healthy relationship with. His actions speak as loud as his words and as far as I am concerned they both are just as awful.
Yesterday, I was waiting for my hair to air dry so I had on a pair of his boxers/tee and decided to tidy up his house while I waited for my hair to get atleast halfway dry so I could start getting ready. Rather than appreciating me doing something nice for him, he decided to tell me in a nice way that I looked like shit so I should go get ready. So, I drop everything, go in the bathroom and decide to do smokey eyes and my makeup nice for our trip later that day to Berkley. I went to get a soda and he said, “your eye makeup looks like shit.”
Wow, he sure does know how to make me feel like complete shit.
Last week, it was calling me “fat”, this week I look like shit, what would it be like next week or the follow week after that I wonder? fuck. man.
I’ve gained 5 damn pounds, I already think I’m ugly enough, why the fuck can’t he just be a decent person and shut his fucking mouth.
Mark my words…..
I’m done, done with relationships, done with dating, done with this whole bullshit idea of “love” or should I say “lust”.
……………………… the end has yet to come.
